| oh herro. |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|01:49 am] |
I'm alive & somewhat well.
slowly but surely getting back into real life.
partying has become number one, & it needs to be lowered in my life.
Job interviews tomorrow.
single, but I'm okay with it.
seeing my favorite band the nineteenth.
counting down & patiently waiting.
can't wait to see my lifeline. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|03:10 am] |
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full collapse still has the same effect on me as it did when it first came out.. |
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| four months later. |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|03:42 am] |
nothings really changed, unfortunately.still not working, still collecting. I've however acquired a wonderful sleeping deficiency also referred to as insomnia. drinking not so much - trying to lose some pounds.
things are good but weird. had a rough two months. let someone back into my life who I should and shouldn't have let get back in as quickly as I did .I was eager to see if the connection was still there from six years ago -it was & it wasn't. after putting forth a lot of effort that ofcourse wasn't reciprocated - I put the cards on the table - didn't turn out well, oh well. life goes on.
went to philly at the beginning of may for chase lisbon's (if you don't know, its my photographer from supercult) gallery. philly is wonderful, a bigger more complicated providence. Ill never understand cross streets. the ride was fun. Alix&I always have a great time. I met a lot of cool people, it was a great oppurtunity. I'm happy & very proud of&for chase. He works so hard to be where he is & with more work comes more recognition from others.
now, after wasting time on someone - I met someone who is worth my time. he's wonderful. he's my boyfriend, his names patrick. this is the first time in two years I'm finally okay with having a boyfriend. I'm not freaking out, I'm not over analyzing anything - I'm just taking everything for what it is & that is lovely. he's very handsome, very polite, family oriented, loves riley, is everything I could ever possibly see in a boy & he came out of nowhere. I refer to him as the "diamond in the rough".
riley is cute. he's such a brat. biggest bedhog ever. he snores really loud & sometimes I get kicked in the ribs while I sleep.
shooting at the end of june. I'm excited.
I'm well, I'm alive.
hope all of you are as well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|07:46 am] |
I have to cut you away to save my own life.
you're like a fatal disease.
& you won't hear me cry. |
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| alone is all ill ever know. |
[Jan. 22nd, 2009|06:28 am] |
alone forever, forever alone.
one hundred percent satisfied with being alone.
simplicity is becoming something I adore.
I care a great length about myself and the people who I care about.
I cannot however see myself caring about someone other than myself, my friends, my dog & my family.
Boys aren't a factor in my life, for once.
The craze has come to a end.
thank fucking god. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|08:53 am] |
february 27th, can't come soon enough.
I just want to see his face. |
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| never impressed. |
[Dec. 27th, 2008|03:18 am] |
2008 has been the most awful year of my life.
I can not wait until its over.
2008 marked seven years of wasted time |
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| dear unnamed man |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|09:17 pm] |
you're the most beautiful, intelligent, charismatic person I have ever met. Everytime our eyes meet, I fall more in love with you. One day I shall muster the courage to tell you everything, tell you I think about you every day-youre in my dreams-youre in my heart, how noone compares to you in my eyes.
I love you more than you'll ever know & I will continue until you tell me to stop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|04:37 am] |
I know I say this often but in all seriousness: dudes, you need to step your game up seriously.
you're all the same. |
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| armed with a mind. |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|05:29 pm] |
just when I thought things were going to get worse, they semi got better.
I was offered a job at burton snowboards, full time - making as much money as I was at vans, with less responsibility, and zero bulshit. The managers all seem really awesome, and I think its going to be a really awesome experience.
single, shit hit the fan. If two people are miserable, what makes anyone think they can make each other happy. walls are put up, barriers are placed - its awful - but its life and these things happen.
moving plans are going to be down pacted shortly, baltimore here I come! |
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| life part one |
[Oct. 9th, 2008|03:14 am] |
I want to go to canada in december to see my favorite band play, since they aren't playing the u.s. However, I think I'm getting a little "too old" to be travelling far & wide to see a band I've seen forty plus times in my life. I think I could handle just waiting until they play some where more economically convenient to myself & others.
jobless, for the first time in three years. I am strongly against letting others take care of me, however I'm at the mercy of others & I can't handle it. I'm used to being able to swipe my hard & have everything be all set, I'm used to being able to go to a liquor store whenever I please, I'm used to going out to eat & doing activities on a whim without having to worry about cash flow - its pretty awful. I have some leads on some potential jobs. I want to step out of the retail world, & get into something else that I could benefit from.
I watched the ENTIRE season of sex&the city, and I watched the movie. Ill admit, I cried a lot - I couldn't help it. I became incredibly attached. Without sex&the city, I'm so bored. How sad. |
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| hardcore, good friends, good times |
[Sep. 15th, 2008|05:39 am] |
went to death threat at glorious clubhell with molly tonight.
Its so funny how things have changed since I "stopped" going to these kind of shows.
Molly&I went, and were clueless to what was going on, and who some of these people were.
we saw some semi familiar faces, but not the faces we used to see back when romans was up&running.
Luckily, friday romans will be back & seeing death threat once again, hopefully we will see some familiar faces & enjoy ourselves like we did in 2004 at shows.
every friday night in brockton, & being silly, good times.
I guess everyone has grown up, and gotten over the culture that's been such a huge part of many peoples lives, but its nice to bask in it briefly & then return to "real life". |
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| I need the smell of summer, & the whispers in my ears. |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|01:29 pm] |
this summer has not felt like summer in any way to me, compared to the two previous summers.
I've gone to the beach a total of two times.
I wish being twenty two didn't mean you had to work your summers away.
I wish living wasn't so exspensive(on my end), and I wish I could enjoy one of my favorite things in the entire world: the beach.
I miss waking up at 8am, throwing a bathing suit on, and going to the beach with friends.
I miss sitting in the sun for hours.
I miss being tan.
I miss the ocean.
I'm not there enough ever.
being an adult sucks, badly.
I might be getting a new job.
I'm waiting for them to call my references & make me an offer.
I'm hoping I get "first assistant", which means ill be right underneath my store manager, and for six months I will be training to run my very own store.
zumiez seems like a pretty chill place to work
Plus, you get to listen to what you want (which rules).
I loathe the emerald square mall.
I've gained so much weight since I started working there.
If I do get the job (which I'm sure I will), I plan on taking a week off between jobs.
spend ALL my time with walte,r the beach&mr riley riley. |
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| <3 |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|05:54 am] |
things are really really awesome.
unexpected but glorious. |
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| summer of 05' has forever changed my life |
[Aug. 2nd, 2008|05:58 am] |
| [ | music |
| | third eye blind-blinded. | ] |
summer of 05' has come back in full effect.
A certain feeling that couldn't ever be changed.
A feeling that could only be put as "its us against the world".
I have this fear of being second best, since its all I've been for the last year or so.
the second girl to everyone.
I don't think I could handle being number two,anymore.
He makes me feel like I'm number one again.
fuck being scared.
I'm all his. |
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| UGH. |
[Jul. 14th, 2008|05:35 am] |
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
seriously fuck you, fuck me, fuck everything, fuck life, fuck death, fuck caring about people, fuck loving anyone, fuck any sort of emotion you could possible have in your body.
only emotion I fully feel is hate, love isn't fucking real - it sucks everyone ends up hurt, -eleviate it- don't do it-dont allow yourself to care about anyone.
people are idiots.
I'm so glad I can handle the reality of things.
I may not handle them maturely, but I can handle the facts.
you're fucking scum.
you're a joke.
I take everything I ever felt back.
2kh8 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|04:17 am] |
"Ill never know the difference between running towards something and running away from something, all I know is that I hate being staginate".
so funny reading old livejournal posts from years ago - I read the posts&remember the exact things I was talking about&doing at that time.
I've been having these really intense dreams about the same person off/on for about a year, and in my dreams I hear his voice&see his smile & when I wake up, I'm so bummed because I know its only a dream&that's all it will ever be. seven years adoring someone & will never ever tell him because I'm too scared&can't let my feelings ruin something I've had in my life for this long.
still working at vans.
still living at home.
I love it, its simple.
My life is very simple. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2008|04:16 pm] |
remind me to never ever trust another guy ever again.
they are not capable of being genuine - matter of fact - no one is capable of being genuine. everyone has alterior motives & it makes me fucking sick.
Oh&btw.
I love the girls that are so fucking insecure they need to sabotage relationships, because they're jealous. this isn't high school anymore. if you're not pretty now, you never will be & acting like a child will not get you any further than where you are now - laying on your back with anyone who will pay attention to you with a dick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|03:39 am] |
I can't wait for it to be sunday.
last night was really fun, so many one liners from the ride to allston.
It was amazing.
corey&amanda rule.
even if corey got me kicked out of paper for underage drinking.
what we did after was better.
guarenteeeed. |
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| hey playgirl. |
[Mar. 26th, 2008|04:48 am] |
baaaah. I could have died today.
the train I had intended on taking to boston collided with a freight train at canton junction.
goood thing I didn't go to boston.
I could have died or have been seriously injured. |
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